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| Blogs > Captainsbabygirl > Baby Girl |
Returning home
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Returning home The last words out of his mouth before he left "I love you" now I didn't except miracles but it took three years for those words to be uttered from his lips. He was to return in one year, never in all my dreams did I image what the last year would bring. Sadness, loneliness, frustration, annoyance, and now anger because during those months he took back those words without any explanation except it played it course. He gave up, he didn't see all the amazing things our energy together could achieve or maybe he did and he was afraid. I made him smile, laugh, and drove him nuts at times, but doesn't every woman. I am very hard to control and have my own mind. I do not deserve to be a fair weather friend and why when a friend of ours insisted I could not hangout because she didn't want to mix pg with x. I said then why are you going. She is breaking us apart. She is making him choose freedom or commitment. He will always choose freedom. It's what he fights for everyday in his job. He did choose me at first but she kept inviting him without me and it took its tole and we separated. We tried to be friends. We hung out, still talked once in awhile, and then one day he invited me back to his house again. I should have said no but I couldn't. I still loved him really. We were having such a good time it just felt right. We just cuddled, I wasn't ready for anything else. We continued to hangout over the summer and our relationship was getting better and better. We were having fun again, laughing with each other, helping him when he needed it most, and building bonds of quality enjoyable time. I even collard him after his trip to the cape and we laughed about it. But, then time, distance, work, other woman, came in between us. I believe in sharing. He does not. I am actually required to share but do so willingly. I think he just doesn't tell cause he's afraid of my reaction or he doesn't want me to feel hurt. Either way it's always a discussion never a real fight. Our real fights are always over commitment. We never fight over anything else, we do disagree but we just agree to disagree and figure it out. I am logical and it drives him nuts because my points make sense and usually are right on but if he doesn't want to hear it. He tries and I usually smile because hehe I told him. And why when He said if you love me you will let me go in February. I wrote him a letter and said good bye said I was not chasing him anymore. Five days later, I'm having a great time and he texts. My heart dropped. What was he doing. Answering a question I had asked before our goodbye. WTF, I was so hurt. I didn't understand why he was contacting me. I responded with I'm a little busy maybe will we talk next weekend. We spoke here and there and I started dating and so did his questions on my adventures. I said again. If I'm sharing you need to as well but he couldn't be honest really with me. It's all half truths. Never a full story. So, I am left to fill in the gaps and all men know what happens when woman are left to fill in the gaps. The wrong information and worry. Again, I am still filling in the gaps.. When he first arrived in the states about two weeks ago his picture fell off my wall and just last week a package I sent in February was returned because they couldnt find him. Friends are chatting about him sharing pics and hes everywhere I look. Its driving me nuts. Since, we never stopped texting, I asked for him to call so we could talk. I want boundaries. I want to have the full story not it just played it course. Because that was not my impression. I want to be able to underatand. He has not called or texted. He is being a coward in my eyes. I am living my life day to day because I have so much on my plate. I have no idea what will be around the next corner but I am trying to pick up he pieces and put it together so I can be happy, wealthy, and wise  . So, I'm asking why do you think he doesn't call? Biunicorn |
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"He's just not that into you." Yes, it's a book and a saying. But my guess is that he understands what it is you want and he either doesn't want to give it or to change into who he needs to be for that to happen. I may not be clearly understanding everything that is happening here, but that's the way it seems to me. And if what he's willing to do so far isn't enough for you then you either need to move on or accept it for what it is and not think you will ever change it because it's unlikely you will.
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