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| Blogs > kzoopair > Take two- they're small |
Becoming Kerouac
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Becoming Kerouac Recently a friend asked me about my experiences with meditation. She has a friend who is quite intelligent, with a head full of facts, and he was not understanding what she meant by reaching peace through meditation. I made one attempt, and described that moment of satori, enlightenment. Apparently it didn’t do the job, so I tried remembering the practice. It was a good exercise, and a reminder to me of what a valuable part of my life it had once been. I put off writing the description for a good week. By the time I was done I was grateful she had asked the question. I haven’t practiced in years, except briefly now and then. I hesitated to write this, to attempt to describe it. It has been all those years ago that I practiced this discipline. It is very much a discipline. It was too easy for me to drift away from it. Work and family pressures get in the way, and a day missed can lead to two days and then a week. To succeed, you have to empty your head of all those precious facts that you have so painstakingly gathered. They won’t help you, and will positively hinder you. You have to let go. This is my attempt to describe it. I stumbled over Buddhism and meditation in reading the Beat writers, particularly Kerouac. They were quite a literate crowd, sometimes pretentiously so, I think, and a bit full of themselves, maybe a LOT full of themselves, but Kerouac never struck me that way. There were all those references to other writers- Verlaine and Rimbaud, Spengler and Spinoza. Alfred Korzybski. I never skimmed or read so much philosophy in my life....and I never want to again! OK- the French Symbolists were pretty entertaining and engaging. But the same thing happened with the references to Buddhism. I read what I could find in the local libraries and my sister gave me a book by Thich Nhat Hanh on Theravada Buddhism. As I recall there was a description of how to meditate. From that and other sources I developed my own bastard style. Being ignorant of the proper way to do anything and not having an instructor is said to be a disadvantage when studying this, but since I was so unschooled I didn't know any better than to just put together a technique and try it. I would turn out the lights and light a candle to keep the room dimly lit but not dark. I put the candle in my line of sight, but I didn't want to focus on the candle flame or be distracted by it. I had a small, hard pillow that I used to elevate my buttocks. That made it easier to maintain the lotus position. My knees give me a lot of trouble now and I'm sure I'll never achieve the lotus again. I can stretch for months and never get all the stiffness out of my knees or eliminate the pain of trying to sit in full lotus or even half lotus. But in those days I was young and limber, and it was pretty easy. I could maintain it pretty handily for a half hour or even an hour. I'd sit in the lotus, spine straight but relaxed, not tense. Shoulders back but again, rather loosely- not forced. I tried to imagine pushing the top of my skull upward, as if it were raising toward the ceiling, which helped in keeping my spine straight and not sagging. My hands I held relaxed in my lap, folded not interlocked, one atop the other, thumb tips touching and I imagined an energy there, at the tips of my thumbs. I could feel that energy. Again, not forced but relaxed. Eyes half lidded, not closed. I tried not to focus my gaze on anything but to stare vacantly forward, like you'll do when lost in reverie, staring but not seeing. I concentrated on my breath and the rising and falling of my abdomen, counting breaths. My mind would wander and I would gently bring it back to my breath. With practice it got easier to do this, and I moved on to concentrating on the feel of the cool air entering my nostrils and the warm air emptying from my lungs, carrying waste and toxins with it. When taking a breath I imagined taking it very deeply, filling my abdomen first and then my chest and even my head. There was a sense of being my breath and my corporeal body receded. My mind wandered. Thoughts will intrude when you're trying to empty your mind, and I had to gently bring my concentration back to my breath. Emptying the mind is the goal here. It's essential. All the detritus of daily life, all the worries and anxieties must disappear to become quiet enough to see. I didn't quite get it yet, but I was learning to lose my self. I had read it, but I didn't know what it meant. As I got more and more comfortable doing this I found myself concentrating on my nostrils and even staring at the tip of my nose! It took an effort to stop that habit, and return my gaze to the vague distance before me. When practicing, naturally I would get an itch somewhere and the urge to scratch would be overpowering. A couple of times I did ruin my session by scratching, and I'd laugh at myself for that. There's no point to feeling a failure. You end the session and try again tomorrow. But gradually I learned to concentrate on the itch, to immerse myself in it...and it would disappear. I became a bit prideful about that for a while, that I had learned how to make such a thing simply vanish, and I found that I could apply that to aches and pains and even to a mild headache. If I became the pain, I could banish it! I'm certain that I could not have managed this with major pain or a serious injury, but I have found in later life that the technique does help in dealing with pain. I may not be able to rid myself of severe pain but I can deal with it better. Of course my pride in that accomplishment was not the way to go- it was a setback to fixate on how powerful I was becoming! That was funny to me then and still is now. I was going through a process and that was part of it- learning that I had a long way to go, that I didn't know anything yet. I can't recall exactly how many weeks and months I practiced this. I had begun in the autumn of the year and kept at it over the fall and into winter. But sometime in very late winter or early spring something remarkable happened. I lost myself in my breath and ceased to be. There was an explosion of light and I was struck between the eyes by...something, but it didn't hurt. It was quite a powerful blow...but I didn't recoil. It occurred to me that the blow I had felt was that explosion of light. It felt as if the brilliant white light was coming both from inside my head and from all around me at one and the same time. And my own spine was stretching upward, although that's not quite right...it was as if the top of my head was being drawn upward...that feeling of weightlessness. Not exactly attached to the world, but part of it. And I did feel that I had understanding- no fear. It was as if I was not in my body. I was washed over with a feeling of peace and tranquility that, as it faded, I wanted to hold on to. And of course it seemed that as I tried to hold it it slipped away laughing. But then I realized that it was me, not exactly laughing but I had a dopey smile on my face. That feeling of peace stayed for a while. It did become less pronounced as the evening wore on, but it lasted through the night and my head felt light and empty as soon as that explosion struck. That also faded over the evening. Upon reflection it dawned on me that it was a lot like other experiences I had read about and I wondered if it was real, but of course that was absurd. I had really had those feelings and that peace. It made perfect sense that it resembled other people's descriptions. There was certainly no sense of loss, no pain of separation or anxiety. On the contrary it was enlightenment, and a release. I had that satori, enlightenment, understanding. I understood oneness in that moment. This was the Buddha's discovery, when he became one with the universe, and I finally knew what it meant to become Buddha. It wasn't so much that I merged with all life, but that I now knew, intuitively, that it had always been thus. I had simply not been aware before. This is difficult to describe, and that's what's so maddening for many westerners to understand, I think. It's called knowing, and they demand to know, "What? You know what?" You simply know, suddenly. This is called awareness meditation, Samadhi meditation. The perspective in that moment of enlightenment stays with you for a long time. I know that if you practice every day you could reach that sweet spot with ease, and that it heals. My wife Pam learned a slightly different way, taught by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, but the goal is the same- as Pam says, to get you out of your head. Emptying the mind will get you there even without the rather dramatic moment of satori that I described. Become a member now and get a free tote bag. |
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I think in some ways it did for me too. I was a bit of a mess when I took it up. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I'm encouraging you to do it. I've been lazy, and a procrastinator, but it was a life changing experience for me all that same. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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9/6/2016 8:15 pm |
i was the TM route.. i even got news letters and practice lessons.. all that aside.. i did get the out of body experience.. and it was truly a remarkable one at that. i still remember it.. but alas , i don t feel it. and yes, how easy it is to loose it all with the hub bub of life and yes you have to set a time and allow yourself your moment with Zen.. very good blog my friend.. face piles of trials with smiles.. MOODY BLUES please feel free to visit my blog happy blogging
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i was the TM route.. i even got news letters and practice lessons.. all that aside.. i did get the out of body experience.. and it was truly a remarkable one at that. i still remember it.. but alas , i don t feel it. and yes, how easy it is to loose it all with the hub bub of life and yes you have to set a time and allow yourself your moment with Zen.. very good blog my friend.. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Even though I stopped the daily discipline that I had followed so faithfully that winter, the things I learned from it have stayed with me and remain fresh. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thank you for writing these excellent descriptions, Kzoo. Surely these are the writings of a master of mindfulness. Have you ever had your brain waves scanned before, during, or after meditation? My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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Kerouac?  I'm not sure what to make of him.  .. I just skimmed his bio. Such a short and kinda sad life he had. .. Maybe I'm missing something. I know he was influential. I have experimented with different forms of mediation. Each for different reasons. The results were similar. .. I had the least success with the Hare Krishna mantras. Too noisy.  For a while (and about the same time) I was trying to attain an out of body experience. .. I thought I almost got there once, but alas; I am stuck in my body.  Later on, I did learn some useful techniques in rehab. All (of course) involved breathing. .. The best one started by relaxing and focusing on the extremities and then bringing the focus inward. I could clear my mind that way, but I never saw an explosive flash of light. I should try meditation again. .. Nirvana is a pretty nice state of mind. 
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Thank you for writing these excellent descriptions, Kzoo. Surely these are the writings of a master of mindfulness. Have you ever had your brain waves scanned before, during, or after meditation? I was never even a novice, let alone a master. But I tried. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I was trained in Transcendental Meditation at 16 by my high school boyfriend's older sister, who had met with and trained under the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. I had only been meditating for about a few weeks, when I was called in for another session with her. She asked me if I had had any unusual sensations. I said, well, not really. But what do you call it when you are inside your body but it feels like the inside you, can pull away from the physical you? That the outside you doesn't seem to really be in control of the inside you any more. She was dumb founded. She contacted the Iowa compound where the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi was. She explained to whoever it was that dealt with her, that her student was achieving this state and what was she to do? They told her to tell me to come to the compound. Which I politely refused to do. Why should I? I was happy with my meditation practice. I didn't need a bunch of excited adults making a big deal out of it. I go months without meditating and then suddenly realize that I need to start again. I achieve that state within a few days of starting back up again. I used to do yoga every day. I need to get back to that, too. I love it that you tried to explain how your "moment" felt. To anyone who has not meditated or come close to that feeling, it would sound odd indeed. Kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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Kerouac? I'm not sure what to make of him. .. I just skimmed his bio. Such a short and kinda sad life he had. .. Maybe I'm missing something. I know he was influential. I have experimented with different forms of mediation. Each for different reasons. The results were similar. .. I had the least success with the Hare Krishna mantras. Too noisy. For a while (and about the same time) I was trying to attain an out of body experience. .. I thought I almost got there once, but alas; I am stuck in my body. Later on, I did learn some useful techniques in rehab. All (of course) involved breathing. .. The best one started by relaxing and focusing on the extremities and then bringing the focus inward. I could clear my mind that way, but I never saw an explosive flash of light. I should try meditation again. .. Nirvana is a pretty nice state of mind. I chose Becoming Kerouac instead of becoming Buddha on purpose. He did a similar thing to my own approach. Jack Kerouac "got" Christianity in a way most people don't, and that isn't at all what most of us think when we think of the Catholic church. In the language of his times, he dug Jesus. Jack grafted Buddhism onto his Catholicism and saw us all as saints. I didn't share his personal sentiments, but my own method was a lot like his- I learned and saw how it fit. Kerouac was deeply flawed and not at all serene, but he had his moments of understanding and serenity. I can relate to that. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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 Touché, Buné.   Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I was trained in Transcendental Meditation at 16 by my high school boyfriend's older sister, who had met with and trained under the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. I had only been meditating for about a few weeks, when I was called in for another session with her. She asked me if I had had any unusual sensations. I said, well, not really. But what do you call it when you are inside your body but it feels like the inside you, can pull away from the physical you? That the outside you doesn't seem to really be in control of the inside you any more. She was dumb founded. She contacted the Iowa compound where the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi was. She explained to whoever it was that dealt with her, that her student was achieving this state and what was she to do? They told her to tell me to come to the compound. Which I politely refused to do. Why should I? I was happy with my meditation practice. I didn't need a bunch of excited adults making a big deal out of it. I go months without meditating and then suddenly realize that I need to start again. I achieve that state within a few days of starting back up again. I used to do yoga every day. I need to get back to that, too. I love it that you tried to explain how your "moment" felt. To anyone who has not meditated or come close to that feeling, it would sound odd indeed. Kk Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I have tried, very briefly, to do this, but just the idea of thinking of my breathing is enough to send me into a panic attack over my breathing. Any time I am aware of how I am breathing, or not breathing, I will freak out. I am pretty sure meditation is not for me.  Even reading about this has me half freaked out.
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patience, young grasshopper... perhaps, all you need is little "Morgan Freeman" in you...
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I have tried, very briefly, to do this, but just the idea of thinking of my breathing is enough to send me into a panic attack over my breathing. Any time I am aware of how I am breathing, or not breathing, I will freak out. I am pretty sure meditation is not for me. Even reading about this has me half freaked out.Dayzee, this is about being able to let go. There is nothing to fear, we are all one. You have to let go, and trust. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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patience, young grasshopper... perhaps, all you need is little "Morgan Freeman" in you... Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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i went to a junior college which was established by Soto zen, in japan...so we had a the mandatory meditation course... and yes, with a real zen monk, with zen stick...and i tell yah...i was never able to achieve satori... i guess i had way too much phuck in me....haha...
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i went to a junior college which was established by Soto zen, in japan...so we had a the mandatory meditation course... and yes, with a real zen monk, with zen stick...and i tell yah...i was never able to achieve satori... i guess i had way too much phuck in me....haha... I'm resisting the urge to volunteer to help you release that phuck. And I failed. That's another path to enlightenment, you know. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Bonjour Kzoopair Je suis un béotien en yoga , peut-être d'une culture trop cartésienne , mais dans ma jeunesse je m'asseyais les jambes croisés sur la plage à regarder la mer . ♥ Bisou ♥ Poton ♥ Annie ♥ Hello Kzoopair I am a boeotian in yoga, maybe excessive Cartesian culture, but in my youth I sat the cross legged on the beach watching the sea. ♥ Kiss ♥ Annie ♥
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Very cool description. I've tried a few times, but have never been able to make the practice stick. Probably time to try again...  
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I tried meditation when I was younger, and then about 8 years ago, then to try to manage some anxieties which were threatening to consume. Unfortunately it never worked for me, perhaps because I don't have the patience for it. Not that I'm impatient by nature, I just couldn't settle, and probably allowed skepticism to intrude. I really admire people who have the discipline to meditate, I'm kinda envious of the skill. Excellent post McPairs!! 
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Nice post... a lot of people could use a little emptiness. Vive La Difference
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Great description! I've been working on meditating and mindfulness, both, these last few months. They've really helped me overcome some issues, but I've just begun and can't manage more than a few minutes of meditating without breaking out into giggles. Live life to it's fullest! If you're bored, Read Hugs Gypsy
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The closest I came to this was the night before my lung surgery. What ever I achieved kept me from being afraid. Thank you for an exceptional post (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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