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Identifying my Sexuality  

phoenix71rebirth 52F
181 posts
3/15/2015 10:07 pm
Identifying my Sexuality


The easiest classification of me is hetero - as I have never been in a lesbian encounter.

However I have over the course of time wondered, thought even occasionally fantasized about it. Have I actually executed such an encounter NO!

Then someone decided that I was a closet Bisexual - hmmmmmm why? Just becoz.

I am a divorced single mom raising 2 daughters in a foreign place - am away from my country and struggling. Having been separated nearly 10years and finally divorced officially close to 5yrs - largely I have chosen to
1. remain unattached
2. celibate for most part

Now the single - works for people looking for NSAs and ONSs and whatever other kind of swinger lifestyle is out there. For many married men this seems to be their homing single - let's get laid and have fun ... afterall having been married you MUST need your frequent dose of sex.

The problem here is my answer is actually No ... my celibacy works fine for me. If there is any unbearable desires then
1. take cold shower
2. DIY more satisfying, less messy and not guilt!

So whenever someone called me a frigid bitch, I'd say no I am asexual - but the reality is I am not asexual in its true form. However I can survive and my record is 7yrs no actual intercourse and I didn't feel like I was missing anything from my life.

Recently I in my endless quest for information I found this definition and BANG!
Spot on it felt I was reading myself ...

So finally ... I can proudly say I am a Demisexual.

Defined by the Urban dictionary - and I plagarised this so that I didn't have to retype everything :

Demisexuals are characterized by a lack of sexual attraction toward any person unless they become deeply emotionally or romantically connected with a specific person or persons. The level of connection it takes for sexual desire to form is dependent on how close the relationship is rather than initial attraction. It is an orientation that is not chosen.

Demisexuality does not refer to the active restraint or repression of sexual desires or actions.

Demi- is a prefix meaning half. This is used to mean halfway between sexual and asexual. The term originated in the asexual community, specifically within the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN).

Sexual partner:
Hey, I think you are sexy. *aroused*
Demisexual partner:
I'd have to reach a higher level of emotional intimacy before I could feel the same way. =\
Sexual partner:
Oh, I see. Well, we can do something enjoyable together. =/
Demisexual partner:
=D We can bake a cake for now!
Sexual partner:
Sure! That's always fun, although we seem to be doing that a lot. =D
Demisexual partner:
*squeee! bonding time!*

Sooooooooooooooooooo if I tell you I don't sleep around - it's 100% true.
To do that I need to connect with you at some level ... otherwise let's just bake a cake

friendlymale971 64M
7 posts
3/16/2015 7:44 am

Yes i do understand what u say here. Each person is different and does things in a different way. Me a married man, do i need sex? Yes, can i live without, hmmm indeed DIY can be good but sometimes we need to feel the other person. I think some people can make the difference between love and lust hence we can have a ONS or NSA meeting. As long as no one gets hurt and we do it on our own free will. Great
Anyway thanks for sharing


phoenix71rebirth 52F
130 posts
3/16/2015 5:41 pm

@pam73160 .. you are most welcome. Happy to share information.

@OceanloverNY .. part of my journey of discovery was on this site. And for the record it has never worked in reverse for me. If there is no emtional connect and largely for me if there is no mental/braniac connect nothing "zings" in me. As to what I want is absolutely nothing from this site. It's been and cintinues to be educational into humankind's individual needs.

@friendlymale971 .. in celebration of each individuals individuality live long and prosper. The human element of touch and feeling another person for demis only works or reciprocated when there is a connect. Otherwise its just expected response in a sexual act. I can clearly tell the difference between love and lust I just opt for the connect in my mind first before getting shagged for shags sake

Oh the liberty of choice before each of us. Amazing !


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