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Blogs > phoenix71rebirth > Flamed by the Phoenix

Reaching the end of the line  

phoenix71rebirth 52F
181 posts
9/13/2016 1:06 pm
Reaching the end of the line

With no change in unemployment status.
Bank account blocked can't get no money to even abscond from this place leave alone feed my .
Goddammit fucking life do you have to kick me in my teeth every fucking time I think I have my shit together and seeing the light at the end of this endless struggle.

These are the times I tell myself what a stupid woman I am to even think that without being a parasite I can make a difference. Nope if you wanna stand on your own 2feet not sponge off people, cut your coat within the tiny limited fabric life hands you you just fucking get more fucked for trying to stay credible and dignified.

Am almost desperate enough to beg the ex husband who happens to be top raking in moolah to help me out. That would be the ultimate self inflicted humiliation. Begging from a man who said the weren't his and called me an unsatisfying waste of time.

14 damn years I have worked harder than ever to keep this boat from sinking. 1 girl nearly done with high school harbouring big dreams of college ... degree ... job and what does mom do to both of them .. fucked it all up by ending up in the worst goddamn situation .. unemployed.

You have to be in my shoes to understand the implications of unemployed in the UAE. Not good at all.

All these weeks of applying not one single positive offer. My confidence is taking its worst beating now. Am losing my mojo ... I feel depression suffocating me and I fear am losing my will to fight it.

This isn't the first kick in the teeth. But I have always bounced back up ... picked up a new job easily enough. Suddenly am not good enough for any job ... its killing me.

For a miracle a damn miracle in the next 2weeks ... before I lose my mind completely ... the desperation I feel has terrible thoughts running through my head.

I am stronger than this I tell myself ... over and over
This too shall pass
But I hear the voices that I cannot silence baying for blood of another fool.

I am at the end of a precarious treacherous line ....

Merlinmystic 59M
58 posts
9/26/2016 7:15 pm

 Every Morning there is a prayer is offered
For you thru a burning candle i.
Take heart as the door is closed
there is window open some where.

The candle of prayer


phoenix71rebirth replies on 10/4/2016 8:10 pm:
Thank you Merlin
Appreciate the prayer.
Still penganggur and really struggling.

phoenix71rebirth 52F
130 posts
4/21/2017 9:25 pm
    Quoting latboy666:
    Have no fear. Loving-kindness and compassion are being sent to you to lighten up the bad karma.
Thank you so much


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