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Blogs > phoenix71rebirth > Flamed by the Phoenix

Another Year End ...  

phoenix71rebirth 52F
181 posts
12/26/2017 6:57 am
Another Year End ...

and what have we to show for it?

For me personally the year pretty much was an extension of 2016.

I was still very much unemployed despite sending out applications by the 100s monthly - not even a 'thank you but we're unable to offer as we have no REAL opening - we're merely fishing for cheap labour'

That was the job market in the sandpit. Come May with literally every pipe dried up and the few friends who has helped with cash had already exhausted their spare emergency funds helping me - I told the , once the exams were over we had to leave - we were even going to not have a roof over our heads.

So that was the plan and we left and came home tail between my legs, all my hopes dreams and aspirations all dust now. One step taken with reservations has put me back financially nearly a decade in debt to banks and people.

Mid year home, got a job, daily wage, contract but something better than nothing. But my trials were far from over - lost my dad within a month of my return home. And I still feel like he died disappointed in me for the situation I found myself in. My dad was probably the one person who though he rarely showed or said it was proud of me for always finding a way out of my struggles and here I was home, penniless and my having been through so much.

It has been 5 months since dad passed away - the pain isn't any lesser, the guilt that I must have hurt and disappointed him so much still gnaws at me. I'm throwing myself into things to get opportunities to build back some sense of small measure success to settle my debts and set my off on their education journey.

I'm older, and still much on my own. I dare not put much hope in anyone I meet - ESPECIALLY if I find the interesting, coz I know, it's never reciprocated in the way I hope, for the other person it's always benefits and nothing more. And I will spend another New Year's eve at home with my and not think of that ending of When Harry Met Sally ... that's not written into my script I assure you.

Happy New Year all and may 2018 be as fulfilling s you believe it should be ... for me, I am just looking for a more permanent role, my to adapt to their new schools and make new friends, that good health is ours, and that we may make more memories to carry us through in the future..

My love and best wishes to everyone of you ...
God Bless

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