More about me
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Posted:Sep 9, 2021 2:55 pm
Last Updated:Dec 26, 2021 9:48 pm
3219 Views
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== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
100% Voyeur
76% Dominant
72% Daddy
69% Rigger
68% Exhibitionist
56% Non-monogamist
52% Experimentalist
51% Brat tamer
51% Vanilla
46% Master
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Random Thoughts 5: Saturday Night Beaver
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Posted:Dec 2, 2021 6:05 pm
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2021 10:53 am
3134 Views
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Time again to jot down a few things that I think about ...
* More changes in medication for me. Backed down on one and added a second. It's been a couple of weeks, but I noticed a couple of things. First, I'm sleeping a bit less restlessly. Second, I've noticed a slight improvement in conversations with others. So I'm taking those as positives 
* If I haven't mentioned it before, I will now. The IM system here sucks. I rarely notice that I got an IM and if I do, I can't respond because that person has logged off. If anyone wants to chat with me, please just use the normal messaging. Thank you in advance
* I wish people would read my profile before contacting me. It says right there that I am not comfortable meeting anyone face-to-face yet. /sigh Not that I wouldn't love to. I've been contacted by multiple people with who I would love to play. And someday I will. Just not yet.
* That being said, oh dear gods, I have blown so many loads fantasizing about the last couple to contact me. I wonder if they'd be up for some /daughters fun.
* I also wonder sometimes about the legitimacy of some of the accounts that contact me. Not the obvious fake profiles. They don't contact me. I mean the ones that seem legit and aren't 1,000 miles away.
* This may sound dumb, but can someone please explain this to me like I am a 5-year-old: What are "flirts" and hotlist". What "flirts" are, why someone would send me a "flirt" and why I would to send someone a "flirt". with "hotlist" Somehow I "hotlisted" several profiles, some of which I do not recall at.
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Random Thoughts 4: Live Free and Cum Hard
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Posted:Oct 29, 2021 1:26 am
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2021 4:56 pm
3537 Views
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Wow. It's been over a month. I need to jot down some notes:
* Well, my trip to the casino a bust. In more ways than one. I didn't win and my anxiety level kept me from sitting at table games. I also not brave enough to suggest meeting up with anyone I've talked to on this site nor I brave enough to chat up anyone so no in-room party either. I still had some fun in my room (which I made a video of that you can see in my profile).
* I've realized that I to have a group of "friends with benefits". But I to be friends before the licking, sucking, and fucking starts.
* A woman IM'd me here. I so nervous that I only able to give one-word answers and probably weirded her out. How the fuck do I expect to get laid if I can't even talk to anyone online. Anyway, if she happens to be reading this, your photos are hot and I'd love to taste you.
* I'm now on a higher dosage of my medication. It's only been a week or 2, so I haven't really noticed any noticeable changes. I feel a more comfortable talking to people at work, but I still can't seem to comfortably have long conversations.
Okay. Time to smoke a bowl and stroke my coc
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Random Thoughts 3: The Good, The Bad and The Horny
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Posted:Sep 26, 2021 12:58 pm
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2021 12:25 am
3552 Views
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What's going through my head today?
* My vacation has officially started. And my roommate has been out of town for a couple of days so I've had the opportunity to just be naked and high for a couple of days. Having fun!!!
* I have seriously been super horny the last few days.
* I love to suck and nibble on nipples, male or female, as long as they are hairless
* I'm super happy this new medication seems to be working so well. I've actually been able to have a couple of online conversations without being super anxious.
* I want to visit a glory hole. I want to have my cock sucked there. I want to suck cock there. I want to make another guy cum and cum all over him. Even better, a group of guys just stroking, sucking, and cumming all over each other.
* Have I mentioned I've been super horny lately?
* Going to visit a local-ish casino this week and spend the night. Maybe I'll meet someone to play with while I'm there.
Fuck, I can't stop stroking my cock. I better go take care of it
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Random Thoughts 2: Electric Boogaloo
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Posted:Sep 16, 2021 2:46 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2021 6:09 pm
4062 Views
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Some more things running through my mind...
* It's the start of my "weekend" and exactly 2 weeks away from the first day of vacation. I think I might spend a day or two at the casino. A good challenge for me since there will be tons of opportunities to interact with strangers. That's a difficult thing for me. I can't initiate conversations, so how the hell can I hope to get laid again? lol
* I'm on a higher dosage of my medication now and it seems to be working well. That gives me hope as it's gotten easier to talk to co-workers that I don't know well. It's also gotten easier for me to respond to messages I get on here. At least, the ones I CAN respond to. Maybe I'll finally upgrade so I can respond to the rest.
* Booze and weed are great social lubricants for me but I refuse to drive high or drunk, so I don't know how helpful that might be in interacting with others. Maybe I can put it to the test soon since I'll have a room at the casino hotel.
* I want to fuck naked outside. I want to watch and jerk off to a couple fucking in front of me. I want to be part of both a bi MFM threesome and a bi FMF threesome. I want to be involved in an orgy.
* I've only kissed one guy but did not enjoy it. I've never been attracted to men, but I fucking love sucking cock.
Okay, that's all now. I'm high and horny and need to cum.
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Random thoughts
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Posted:Sep 12, 2021 11:01 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 11:38 am
3464 Views
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I'm normally at work right now so I think I'll jot down a few thoughts...
* As uncomfortable with face-to-face communication as I am, I feel like I'm remarkably comfortable getting naked with someone else. Last time I was playing with someone else (many moons ago unfortunatly) I felt no anxiety getting naked. Maybe it was because he had his cock out already, but who knows.
* I'm 2 weeks away from vacation and I have no idea what to do. I'm open for suggestions 
* I've been to numerous strip clubs, but have never gotten a lap dance.
* I feel bad that I can't reply to some people on here yet. I need to upgrade. I guess I'm still nervous about interacting with others. Even online is a challenge for me. I overthink everything I am going to say ( and type. I've been writing this for almost 2 hours ).
* I wonder if some of the items on my sexual bucket list would be considered pretty vanilla to most people.
OKay. 5 is enough for now. I'm giving myself a headache. But, in a good way, I think.
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How should I do this
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Posted:Sep 11, 2021 4:10 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2021 9:44 pm
3338 Views
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Ok. I think I'm high enough do this. It's frakkin' early in the morning but I'm not sleepy yet. I think I'm just going do this kinda as it pops in my head. That way I'm not overthinking things. I do that a lot.
I gave myself a challenge today. How many people at the store were wearing glasses. It was to force myself to look up from the ground and look in front of me. I was halfway through the shopping before I remembered. So I started then and discovered that I could not do it. I could not look at strangers' faces. Which I thought was weird because I can make eye contact when I'm talking to someone face to face. I think I'll try to practice that at work. It's hard when you're used to looking down all the time.
This is a weird place for me to be writing this, but part of this is to let myself be as real as possible. Even though online is easier than face-to-face, it's still hard for me to talk to people. And I feel like this gives me. the freedom and anonymity to be able to be open and learn more about me and creating friendships and -ships.
I discovered Black Flirting's IM and it pretty much blows. I can't respond pretty much anyone so far. At least with the messages, I can respond a few.
Ugh, it's later than I want it be. There's more I want write. I hope I remember tomorrow haha
Fuck, I'm horny. A favorite side effect of being high haha
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to jerk off and blow a well-deserved load
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What is this for?
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Posted:Sep 9, 2021 2:08 pm
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2021 4:58 pm
3558 Views
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I'm going to try this as another way to work on me as well as a way to let others know about me. I have no idea what I'll talk about, but I think this journey of discovery should be documented in some way. Through therapy and medication, I hope to see changes in me. Since I can't expect to see them on a daily basis, I think this will be a good way to document the changes, good or bad.
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To link to this blog (MatthiasBernael) use [blog MatthiasBernael] in your messages.
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