If you've got cheating on your mind
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Posted:Jul 14, 2017 6:20 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 12:36 am
1268 Views
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Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. She decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.
When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number.
His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone. "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes then will join you," he said. "As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!" Then he hung up and walked out of the room.
In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter. Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet, I am going out to buy bread."
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Health Bulletin
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Posted:Jul 12, 2017 10:36 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 12:36 am
1111 Views
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https://www.alternet.org/personal-health/having-sex-least-once-week-could-help-you-live-longer
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Pain Therapy
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Posted:Jul 5, 2017 11:36 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 12:36 am
2356 Views
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A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help ease his "pain." "Please allow me to help, I am a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" She told him earnestly.
"Ohh. No, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
The woman takes it upon herself to begin to "ease his pain". She began to massage his groin. After a few moments she asked, "Does that feel better?"
The man looked up at her and replied, "Yes, that feels pretty good ... but my thumb still hurts like hell!"
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Mommy, how are babies made?
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Posted:Jun 23, 2017 8:15 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 12:36 am
2697 Views
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A mom of an eight year old boy is awaiting her 's arrival from school.
As he runs in, he says he needs to talk to her about making babies. He claims he knows about the development of a fetus, but doesn't understand the answer to the million dollar question. Namely, how does the sperm get into the woman?
The mom asks the boy what he thinks the answer is.
The boy says that the sperm is manufactured in the man's stomach, rises up to his chest, then throat, and into his mouth, where he then kisses the woman and deposits the sperm into her mouth.
The mom tells her boy that it is a good guess, but it's wrong. She gives him a hint by telling him that the sperm comes out of the man's penis.
Suddenly, the boy's face becomes quite red and he says, "You mean you put your mouth on that thing?"
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Conjugal Relationships
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Posted:Jun 4, 2017 2:13 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 12:36 am
1336 Views
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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
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Moral Imperatives
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Posted:Mar 19, 2017 2:31 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 12:36 am
1800 Views
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A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes.
The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room."
She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that."
The man says, "Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference."
She says, "You tell him. He's the one shaving you."
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Grandma's Advice
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Posted:Mar 18, 2017 12:15 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 12:36 am
3307 Views
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There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time, and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those . "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that." She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."
With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said. She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."
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Sprained Muscle
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Posted:Mar 9, 2017 11:17 am
Last Updated:Mar 20, 2017 7:22 pm
3343 Views
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Yesterday, I pulled a muscle at the back of my thigh. It felt like I had torn it. But I can walk around my apartment, so it is only sprained. I found out this morning that I can still have my feet above my head without pain.
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Wedding Customs
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Posted:Mar 5, 2017 3:13 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 12:36 am
3036 Views
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A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary. On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pant legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.
"Pull down your pants, whispered the pastor.
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service."
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ID
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Posted:Mar 2, 2017 8:04 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 12:36 am
2969 Views
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A young woman went into a bar. She sat at the counter and ordered a beer. The barkeep asked her for her ID. So she opened in her big purse and started rummaging around. She pulled out a tiny toy car. She pulled out a baby spoon. She pulled out an unused diaper. "Forget it, Lady," said the barkeep. "Here's your beer. You need it."
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magic dildo
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Posted:Mar 2, 2017 9:09 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 12:36 am
2162 Views
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She was wandering aimlessly around the sex toys store.
"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," the clerk says.
"What? There's no such thing," she replied.
"No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'"
A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says.
She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
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Diabetics worry about gangrene in their extremities.
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Posted:Jan 29, 2017 2:07 pm
Last Updated:Feb 3, 2017 12:05 pm
2447 Views
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A young student nurse is giving a male patient a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind his oxygen mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
The patient struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: Are - my - test - results - back?"
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Spring is on the Way
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Posted:Dec 29, 2016 1:56 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 12:36 am
2653 Views
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A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"
He replies, "Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."
The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, "How did it go? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
"No," she replies, "but my cucumbers are enormous."
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