In praise of dating married men
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Posted:Dec 28, 2014 12:04 am
Last Updated:Sep 7, 2015 11:29 pm
4856 Views
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Yes, you read that right. It is the middle of the night and I am tired, but this is something that bugs me. I've read ridiculous numbers of posts on why women should not date married men. OK, fine, yes there are women who shouldn't see married men. I think if a woman is single and is looking for a man for a monogamous relationship, she should eschew married men. There are probably other situations in which dating married men would be a bad idea. I'm not going to try to enumerate them.
However, there are also situations where married men fit the bill just fine. Whether or not their wives know. Ideally the couple will be poly and everyone will be open and honest. And then there are the situations where there's a tacit agreement to not ask and not tell and everyone is fine with it. That's also not so bad.
But reality is that the monogamy fairy tale is still alive and well in our society. And many people are monogamous simply because they don't know any different. They're sheep following along with the herd mentality. In time I believe it will become more socially acceptable to be polyamorous. But here we are in the here and now. Married men continue to behave as male homo sapiens have for millennia and go prowling for variety by whatever means necessary. In time society will figure out that monogamy isn't so natural after all and doesn't work for everyone. Real men and social expectations continue to be at odds. No amount of shaming or punishment has changed this and never will.
So in what circumstances might it be a good idea to date one of these oh so very common creatures? Well, if a woman is in a polyamorous relationship with at least one other person already, she's not seeking to be the "one" with someone new. So not being the top priority in his life isn't wanted or needed anyway. In fact this is really a big plus for seeing married men. They're not desperately seeking a woman to monopolize. The whole eau de desperation thing isn't as intense. As a polyamorous woman I welcome having the time and space to pursue as many relationships as I wish. Single men more often than not become too intense and must be let go.
Another thing I noticed about married men is that, on average, they are better balanced mentally and emotionally than otherwise similar single men. They enjoy the benefits that marriage has on them. The stability and prosperity they're likely to be enjoying has allowed them to develop into better people. The work they've put into their marriages has developed their social skills. All those qualities make for great relationships for poly women.
And then there's the whole moral dilemma. I struggled with this for years. Breaking one's marriage vows is a serious offence. And somehow it's the responsibility of all women to prevent men from finding what they seek? Excuse me, why exactly is this my problem? I am responsible for my own morals. No one else's. It's when we start policing each other that all sorts of evils crop up in society. We condemn and gossip. We make ourselves free to overlook our own morals because we're putting all our effort into policing other people. I'm sorry, I'm not seeing this as a good thing. Married men who stray are taking their own chances on potential consequences. And they have to live with themselves. I say let's not encourage them to focus on what other people are doing in order to excuse themselves. If being responsible for your own actions is valuable, let's see if we can encourage more of it. If having weighed the costs a man chooses to venture out, then it's on his head. Not mine.
So there you have it. Having spent years dating both single and married men, I've come to the conclusion married men are a great option. I imagine the same could apply to married women but I'm not in a position to comment on that.
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