It's Sad When
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Posted:May 5, 2016 9:05 pm
Last Updated:May 7, 2016 5:13 am
6131 Views
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The very same person (s) who seemed to have been drawn in by your intelligence and wit try to make you a fool.
It's honestly insulting.
The number of times in my life that people in general and men more specifically momentarily find a novelty about me.
My lack of pretty I make up with wicked sense of humour, an ever learning mind, an independence from having learnt depending on others for my happiness is like giving them the gun and helping pull the trigger.
I approach life with as much empathy and love for everyone because I do not stand in their shoes to judge their choices.
So it breaks my heart when people as transient as they are in my life feel it necessary to use my caring against me as they play me for a fool they once novelly called intelligent.
If I were to approach every interaction with suspicion that this will be another asshole in the making ... I feel I might become an asshole myself ... drowing in negativity.
Cautiously I try to navigate these leaving my instinct to guide me .. but oh so often people will play a number and leave me standing alone picking up pieces of an already severely broken heart.
When you are someone like me who gives my all in every relationship romantic or otherwise, ... you never see the tears or hear my heart break when you unceremoniously cast me aside and move on with your life having taken a lil bit me ... that being whole again is a challenge.
I am not delusional or obnoxious. Just honest and trusting of the world in hope we can be better to each other.
It's sad when you know people don't care.
And so you choose solitary coupled wt celibacy to not break your own heart repeatedly.
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Longing
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Posted:Apr 21, 2016 10:10 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2016 8:46 pm
6060 Views
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As silence descends
And night embraces the weary
I find myself awake
Laying on this big empty bed
Arms empty
Lips without kisses
Skin unseared by touch
Desires unfulfilled
Longing
210416 phoenix71rebirth
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2
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LDR ... bummer max!
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Posted:Apr 18, 2016 10:47 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2016 11:44 am
5704 Views
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Long distance relationship with a uniformed man is NOT only bummer max coz he's not around but out there chasing bad guys governments and greedy people create ... because it's his duty to protect his nation and its people but in so many levels.
You are constantly waiting in hope that he's doing alright and fear that his luck might run out and then you have lost everything.
You are up so high when he gets a chance to speak with after countless days of silence and then crushed when you know it be countless more days before you get to speak with him again.
You know he loves you with his life and then you doubt it because if you were his life would he NOT be with you instead? And you get wretched for dishonouring his sacrifices.
You are constantly having other men who tell you you are wasting your life and they are present for you and you say no they are wasting their time on you ... you are not interested ... and then you feel wrecked with guilt when you find a select few male friends know more about your present than he does because all these seem insignificant to clutter his limited time with.
You have to constantly calculate time differences and get so mad you're waking up and his day is midway done and when you wrap up he if he's lucky might be grabbing 40winks.
Most of all its bummer maximus because when you reach out at night and hoping he pulls you into his warm loving embrace you find his side empty and stinging hot tears flow and your heart squeezes itself in abject loneliness missing the one who holds your heart.
And yes I miss him every single heartbeat ... waiting for him to come home.
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When ...
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Posted:Mar 26, 2016 10:29 am
Last Updated:May 10, 2016 6:38 pm
6356 Views
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Wrote this almost a year ago. At that time many suitors but none stood out. This time this year one had clearly carved himself into my life.
The Phoenix has found that soulmate across lifetimes .. we are happy.
******
When there is silver in my hair
When lines crisscross my skin
When my cheeks are sunken
When my eyes no longer glint with mischief
When my smile is subtler
When my voice quivers
Will you still love me because I am me?
© phoenix71rebirth
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4
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Loving You ...
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Posted:Mar 26, 2016 10:23 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2016 10:34 am
6102 Views
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I spend each waking moment
Thinking of you even when I try not to
It would seem to be an addiction
Maybe even an obsession
Can this be good or even healthy
To desire the attention and company
Of a man I have never met in person
As the day draws to a close
Such joy fills my heart when
You pull me close into your arms
And your lips imprint against my skin
The warmth of your body soothes me
The scent of lovers intoxicates
Even those arms only in my imagination
Wrapped in your love
I am happy
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2
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Silence Is Golden
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Posted:Mar 11, 2016 8:25 pm
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2016 10:24 am
4661 Views
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Well at least in most instances.
Although silence can be deafening in relationships when so much needs to be said to be addressed to be worked out and yet only silence heavy with questions contempt accusations hangs like a suffocating cloak unwanted yet ever present.
I keep saying communication is a dying artform. And we seem to go through life in this burdening silence. Uneasy yet unable to cut through.
What have you done to keep communication open and alive?
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3
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R.E.S.P.E.C.T ... mutually
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Posted:Jan 28, 2016 9:49 am
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2016 8:02 pm
6077 Views
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Another long tiring work week over.
And something has been gnawing at me and annoying me.
So here it comes like spewing vomit after a hard night of drinking (never had the personal experience cause I am a sensible drinker)
Respect is basic manners that as adults we should have mastered by now.
For example I respect the fact you are here to hook up for sex and I respect your choice to do so and at the very onset of any interaction clearly tell I will not waste your time coz I ain't about hookups cyber or phone sex. I wish you the best on this site.
In my professional and private life I respect peoples choices without being judgmental.
I respect elders and the same ... everyone of us is human.
I respect people's time and am on time for appointments.
I respect your space when you might have seemed enamoured by my existence at one point but grown quickly bored and friendzoned me wt "you deserve better" and "we'll always be friends"
If you're married and playing, I respect your marriage more than you and very clearly say I am a friend no benefits.
I respect that you have a life beyond my presence in it and never force you to do otherwise.
Mostly I respect you as a person to say you know what I enjoy our conversations even like your company but aside from pecks on the cheek and greeting hugs I am not sexually attracted to you. If you choose to never speak to me again ... am ok with that.
So I might be asking a bit much here that you respect me too as an individual with brain heart and soul.
Dont call me a pussy cunt ... I am a mother of 2 girls who I have taught no one man or woman has the right to call them that EVER! And what role model am I if I don't fucking kick your balls or teeth out for calling me those things.
If you fucked me but never want to see or hear ever again .... be an adult and tell me. Not lie about seeing me soon/again and then ghosting me totally or worse pulling the oldest trick getting someone else to call me from your number to berate or yell vulgarity at me ...
Again I am an adult. If you just wanna fuck me say so without doing some mini production ... I might start liking you enough to be hurt all over again ... something I don't need in my life. Coz if I am sexually attracted to you hell we be getting jiggy and if I am not I respect you ... I will say no sorry not happening. It works both ways you can tell me the same.
So bottom line respect me as I respect you ... real life or on a hookup sex site.
Ya know what I'm saying?
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2
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Cinnamon Chicken ... Busy Mom Saviour
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Posted:Jan 25, 2016 9:12 am
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2024 12:31 am
4867 Views
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Microwave Cooking 15 mins on High
1 pound of deboned breast meat
Salt
Cinnamon powder
Paprika
Pepper
Garlic powder
Olive oil
Mix all of the above together. Have listed my basic mix which is up to your taste buds ...
Nicely rub into the chicken breast
Put in microwave safe dish and zap either covered or open ... difference is in the dryness of the end product.
Once cooked either slice dice or shred and store ...
Goes great with sandwiches, wraps, added to pasta, added to thick broths or garnish for stir fried noodles/rice.
5 mins prep time max 15mins cooking time
Happy camper . Can be served as whole with steamed veges and mash.
Good handy quick meal for singles or people too lazy to cook or takeout.
Try it and lemme know.
You can throw it in the oven foil it so it doesn't dry out too much.
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You Deserve Better
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Posted:Jan 18, 2016 11:13 am
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2016 10:30 pm
5114 Views
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I have heard this line quite often in my life. Agreeably I do deserve better in a great many aspects of my life.
But when a man says it to me, its never about that he really feels I deserve better. It's really his way of saying I have grown bored and moving on.
I have a lil book I have been compiling all the lines I have heard and how with proper intonation and delivery the same lines he used to woo me will be the same line he uses to dump me unceremoniously.
There's enough material now I think to actually publish an Idiots Guide to Surviving Storytellers & Heartbreak .... I am well qualified to put this together.
As long as I can remember the fellow will find a reason to leave. Too dark too short too ugly too smart too beautiful too young too old too fat too far going back to exes, leaving with newbies, family's disapproval ... God you name it but I will always deserve better.
The joke is on me as usual.
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1
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Sex-pectations vs Reality
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Posted:Jan 10, 2016 5:07 am
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2016 10:29 pm
5165 Views
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I have reworded it and hopefully it works ..
Search for lorynbrantz on buzzfeed sexpectations-vs-reality
The drawings are too damn funny.
I cannot figure out this stupid blocking of external links on this site.
Edumacation people is key!
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When A Song Makes You Cry ...
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Posted:Jan 8, 2016 11:19 am
Last Updated:Jul 15, 2016 2:35 pm
5387 Views
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The Girl From Yesterday" - Eagles
It wasn't really sad the way they said good-bye
Or maybe it just hurt so bad she couldn't cry
He packed his things, walked out the door and drove away
And she became the girl from yesterday
He took a plane across the sea
To some foreign land
She stayed at home and tried so hard to understand
How someone who had been so close could be so far away
And she became the girl from yesterday
She doesn't know what's right
She doesn't know what's wrong
She only knows the pain that comes from waiting for so long
And she doesn't count the teardrops
That she's cried while he's away
Because she knows deep in her heart
That he'll be back someday
The light's on in the window; she's waiting by the phone
Talking to a memory that's never coming home
She dreams of his returning and the things that he might say
But she'll always be the girl from yesterday
Yeh, she'll always be the girl from yesterday
-------
When I woke up to the reality that my man chose his mistress over the and me ... this song was the one I heard and played on loop till there were no more tears to cry. I picked my self up dusted off and strode into the future uncertain.
A few misadventures and I became yet again the girl from yesterday .... and for some reason today I found myself singing this song .... and that same old pain of heart break coursed through me.
But I am a tough nut, smile plastered on ... tomorrow here I come
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2
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Exclusively Yours ...
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Posted:Jan 7, 2016 11:11 am
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2016 7:28 pm
5685 Views
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But I am merely an option in your menagerie
Seriously? Why these double standards?
It's a frustrated rant because I always end up on the short end burnt.
Real life or Black Flirting there's this very strange phenomenon that plagues my existence as a woman so let me once again try to address the source of my ire.
As a long re-singled Asian brown girl raising 2 teenagers I chose to for most part to be celibate simply because becoming the proverbial oil drum for passing dipsticks wasn't my idea of a necessity.
Despite being often called beautiful, intelligent, loving ... bla bla bla ... it has long dawned on me a leg over is as much commitment any man is willing to give. Even the ones who say otherwise and woo you with promises of unicorns and rainbows.
So after a confidence shattering divorce and a failed second attempt at romance I withdrew into my own safe place and celibacy came naturally with the rest of my roller coaster life.
Only lately after long conversations with my teens did I decide that I might once again give romance companionship sex another shot ... inspite of misgivings of the male species.
But I want to make one thing clear .. when (if ever) I am in a committed sexual relationship I am by default monogamous with that 1 person till the end. I do not need nor desire any one else to fulfill me sexually.
However as it's quite plain to see I am not at this point nor in the foreseeable future going to be in a committed sexual relationship because every man I talk to seems to think I am now Rapunzel locked away in a tower solely for him.
However he on the other hand has no such exclusivity clause - he is free to mix mingle leg over anyone he pleases. Even if he isn't the same 'hide her away' clause is not applicable because he is a man.
My openbook heart on my sleeve nature doesn't see a point in hiding stuff let alone other men I interact with on a regular basis. It's not a competition, I just am someone who thoroughly enjoys conversation. And different people keep me satiated with chatter of various topics. I talk more with some than others but miss these others more than some.
Even if I were in a relationship, I rather my man know who my male friends are. The ones I might have shagged are most likely not talking to me anymore (I seem to have this effect on men who shag me ... they never want to speak with me again after)
Therefore here's my caveat.
If you want me to hide away from the world and exclusively stake claim to me .. come away with me then .. we'll put a ring on it and sign the dotted lines and become the new Brady Bunch .... yours mine and a big fat US!
I have been alone so long a lifetime of alone doesn't scare me. What scares me is being locked away and not loved the same way I love you. That you will never exclusively be mine ... that in your eyes I am merely an option on a buffet spread that you may never really ever choose whilst I wait alone to be the sparkle in your eye till the lights go out forever.
So men of the world, the phoenix cannot be caged and until and unless the phoenix finds the elixir that cures its endless death and rebirth ... the phoenix continues to read between the lines from a safe distance.
I might love you with all my heart but until you tell me you are mine exclusively I rather just conversations without thinking too deep about why you expect from me differently from what I expect of you.
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0
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Chatroom Mafia
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Posted:Jan 6, 2016 7:07 am
Last Updated:Jan 8, 2016 9:19 pm
5504 Views
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Have you noticed how every chatroom death is preceeded by the onslaught of the Chatroom Mafia?
I have been on this for nearly a decade and mostly found in chatrooms coz there's just so many characters in there the entertainment and amusement quotient is pretty high.
For most people its an interaction point and if you're regular enough you build these chatroom friends who you kook forward to meeting when you login. Catch up on news about them ... banter and move on.
But in every chatroom you have the mafia. These people or sometimes I feel is just a handful of seriously too much time on hand people who have a gezillion handles and login in simultaneously and have conversations amongst their various handles.
Their general modus operandi is pick a victim and antagonise victim by repeatedly and I mean repeatedly rehashing daily hourly the same myth that creates urban legends. The number of times I have read the same lines copy pasted in the rooms I feel like its a time warp.
And it happens that you might not really have to say anything but if the mafia dislikes you then you're done for. They are a dedicated 365x24x7 team to annoy the pants of anyone trying to get a conversation edgewise.
SEASIA is one such room ... was such a busy lively room that gave me many friends and laughter but the mafia there was typically ruthless ... you be lucky to get a pulse in there these days.
Aside from the Mafia you also get some very disturbed putrid souls ... they CANNOT see a positive even if you sodimised them with it till it came out their eye sockets ... I have to wonder if anyone can really be so vile and repulsive all the freaking time ... apparently these characters prove it possible
And the Kindie Sandbox Monitor ... you talk to me you cannot talk to x y z - like seriously grow up already.
In 2016 I hope to run into less of these 3 kinds on this site or anywhere else cause they just exhaust me.
Happy chatting ... keep it away from the negativity that we are already drowing in globally .... can we keep things positive ... even in a hook up site there's a chance for good even great things to happen.
Stay positive and remember your 2016 mantra "I BELIEVE in me!"
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To link to this blog (phoenix71rebirth) use [blog phoenix71rebirth] in your messages.
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